.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
