nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he thought i was a dude.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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