apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
