Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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