That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
