Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
