hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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