If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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