the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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