My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
