My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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