Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
