Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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