I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
