i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize