maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
