Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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