please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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