in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
