Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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