dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize