If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Congratulations! We have a period
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize