He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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