so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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