Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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