I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
