just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
