I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.