Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?