"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.