Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole