The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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