I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm bleeding and have questions
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
