Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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