we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
