Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We got so high we made milksteak
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
