Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize