Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
