I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
