Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
