y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
