so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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