Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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