Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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