perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
