I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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