benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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