that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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