morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
