I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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