false alarm. still invincible.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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