Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize