He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
