how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
