woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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