home. puking in laundry basket.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
