Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
