look no pants
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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