I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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