last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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