so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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