don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
